I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
