I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
