I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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