if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
