she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
