Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
