I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
