don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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