I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
