Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
