so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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