I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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