Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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