"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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