wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
