Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
