I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
