I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
