guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
