Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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