Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
