I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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