You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize