I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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