I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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