Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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