I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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