I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
