you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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