YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
