Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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