so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
