Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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