nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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