My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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