i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
