he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
