giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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