I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
