i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
