She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
