i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They took my balls.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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