so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my poor anus
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
