I need to stop coming to work sober
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm always down for nudity.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
