Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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