New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
