So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
