I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's blow job season.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
