Man, jail baloney is awful.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Come on in and take your pants off
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