hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
being pregnant is like rehab
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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