I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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