I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
