Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
