just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize