Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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