My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
