Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
