i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
