So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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