I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
