I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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