I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
