Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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