Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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