Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Still dying that you shit outside
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
