when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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