So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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