What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
