she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My life is pants optional.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
