She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
