do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
