you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
