Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So. Much. Porn.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
