If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
