we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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